You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches - Dita Von Teese

We have always known that heedless self-interest was bad morals, We know now that it is bad economics. - Franklin Delano Roosevelt in 1937

To be satisfied with what one has; that is wealth. As long as one sorely needs a certain additional amount, that man isn't rich. - Mark Twain (1835-1910)

For every ten people who are clipping at the branches of evil, you're lucky to find one who's hacking at the roots. - Henry David Thoreau

Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made sense from things she found in gift shops. - Kurt Vonnegut

There is nothing more frightful than ignorance in action. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)

Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God? - Epicurus

You don't own stuff, stuff owns you - Anon

O senseless man, who cannot possibly make a worm and yet will make Gods by the dozen! - Michel de Montaigne (1533-1592)

Let this be an example for the acquisition of all knowledge, virtue, and riches. By the fall of drops of water, by degrees, a pot is filled. - The Hitopadesa

Men will wrangle for religion, write for it, fight for it, die for it, anything but live for it. - Charles Caleb Cotton

When you say that you agree to a thing in principle, you mean that you have not the slightest intention of carrying it out. - Otto von Bismarck

Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant. - Robert Louis Stevenson (1850-1894)

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right place but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. - Dorothy Nevill

Pray, v. To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy. - Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914), [The Devil's Dictionary, 1906]

If builders built buildings the way that programmers write programs, the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization. - Reede Stockton

You can preach a better sermon with your life than with your lips. - Oliver Goldsmith

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts. - Bertrand Russell

I'd rather die in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like his passengers...

The best defense against logic is ignorance.

If a man empties his purse into his head, no one can take it away from him. An investment of knowledge always pays the best interest. - Benjamin Franklin

Have more than thou showest, / Speak less than thou knowest. - William Shakespeare

A critic is one who leaves no turn unstoned. - George Bernard Shaw

Creationism is not the alternative of Evolution, ignorance is

If you break your neck, if you have nothing to eat, if your house is on fire - they you got a problem. Everything else is inconvenience. - Robert Fulghum

Let advertisers spend the same amount of money improving their product that they do on advertising and they wouldn't have to advertise it. - Will Rogers

We've heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the Complete Works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true. - Robert Wilensky

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something. - Plato

It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them. - Alfred Adler (1870-1937)

Talent develops in tranquillity, character in the full current of human life. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)

The opinion of 10,000 men is of no value if none of them know anything about the subject. - Marcus Aurelius

I don't divide the world into the weak and the strong, or the successes and the failures, those who make it or those who don't. I divide the world into learners and non-learners. - Benjamin Barber

Never rise to speak till you have something to say; and when you have said it, cease. - John Witherspoon (1723-1794)

Isn't Disney World a People Trap Operated by a Mouse? - Steven Wright

If I had eight hours to chop down a tree, I'd spend six sharpening my axe. - Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)

A man is not idle because he is absorbed in thought. There is a visible labor and there is an invisible labor. - Victor Hugo (1802-1885)

Remarriage: A triumph of hope over experience. - Samuel Johnson, lexicographer (1709-1784)

Big jobs usually go to the men who prove their ability to outgrow small ones. - Ralph Waldo Emerson, American writer and philosopher (1803-1882)

It is easy in the world to live after the world's opinion, it is easy in solitude to live after your own; but the great man is he who, in the midst of the world, keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude. - Ralph Waldo Emerson, American writer and philosopher (1803-1882)

Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation; for 'tis better to be alone than in bad company. - George Washington (1732-1799)

It is one of the most beautiful compensations of this life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself. - Ralph Waldo Emerson, American writer and philosopher (1803-1882)

Unix is user friendly. It's just selective about who the friends are.

Linux is like a wigwam: no windows, no gates, apache inside.

He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you. - Friedrich Nietzsche

How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it. - Marcus Aurelius

Not only does the English Language borrow words from other languages, it sometimes chases them down dark alleys, hits them over the head, and goes through their pockets. - Eddy Peters

Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. - Calvin Coolidge

Instead, it prints out the empty string. The program fails and the power plant explodes, poisoning the earth and the sea. Famine and disease sweep the world. All die. Oh, the embarrassment. -- Sins of Perl Revisited

Being a sysadmin is like hitting yourself in the head with a brick. Eventually it doesn't hurt too bad and you actually look forward to it, because the more it happens, the less it hurts.

Cheese -- milk's leap toward immortality. - Clifton Fadiman

Fanaticism consists of redoubling your efforts when you have forgotten your aim. - George Santayana

The best index to a person's character is how he treats people who can't do him any good, and how he treats people who can't fight back. - Abigail Van Buren

Wear your learning, like your watch, in a private pocket, and do not pull it out and strike it merely to show you have one. If you are asked what o'clock it is, tell it, but do not proclaim it hourly and unasked, like the watchman. - Lord Chesterfield

If I could I would always work in silence and obscurity, and let my efforts be known by their results. - Emily Bronte (1818-1848)

I have only made this letter longer because I have not had the time to make it shorter. - Blaise Pascal (1623-1962)

Many a man fails to become a thinker for the sole reason that his memory is too good. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche, German philosopher (1844-1900)

"Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people." - Admiral Hyman G. Rickover, "father" of America's nuclear navy (1900-1986).

[A computer is] like an Old Testament god, with a lot of rules and no mercy. - Joseph Campbell

Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others. - Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914), [The Devil's Dictionary, 1906]

"You left them alone in a room with a penguin?! Mr Gates, your men are already dead."

Work is of two kinds: first, altering the position of matter at or near the earth's surface relative to other matter; second, telling other people to do so. The first is unpleasant and ill-paid; the second is pleasant and highly paid. - Bertrand Russell, philosopher, mathematician, and author (1872-1970)

The difference in mind between man and the higher animals, great as it is, certainly is one of degree and not of kind. - Charles Darwin, naturalist and author (1809-1882) [The Descent of Man]

Critics were quick to point out that unlike Perl, Microsoft Marketese can't actually be used to program computers and therefore is useless. Representatives of Microsoft's accounting department vigorously disagreed, displaying proof after proof that Microsoft Marketese was a great way to generate untold revenue from clueless managers everywhere, without having to retain the skills of expensive computer programmers. - unknown

A man is not complete until he is married; then he is finished. - unknown

Let me tell you the secret that has led me to my goal. My strength lies solely in my tenacity. - Louis Pasteur, chemist and bacteriologist (1822-1895)

D'you call life a bad job? Never! We've had our ups and downs, we've had our struggles, we've always been poor, but it's been worth it, ay, worth it a hundred times I say when I look round at my children. - W. Somerset Maugham, novelist, dramatist, short-story writer (1874-1965) [Of Human Bondage]

All sunshine makes a desert. - Arabic proverb

Books are the quietest and most constant of friends; they are the most accessible and wisest of counsellors, and the most patient of teachers. - Charles W. Eliot, educator (1834-1926)

To live for some future goal is shallow. It's the sides of the mountain that sustain life, not the top. - Robert M. Pirsig, author [Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance]

What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say. - Ralph Waldo Emerson, writer and philosopher (1803-1882)

Buying books would be a good thing if one could also buy the time to read them in: but as a rule the purchase of books is mistaken for the appropriation of their contents. - Arthur Schopenhauer, philosopher (1788-1860)

Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction. - Blaise Pascal, philosopher and mathematician (1623-1662)

I have no problem with Jesus. It's his fan club that scares me.

In order that people may be happy in their work, these three things are needed: they must be fit for it; they must not do too much of it; and they must have a sense of success in it. - John Ruskin, author, art critic, and social reformer (1819-1900

I do not think there is any thrill that can go through the human heart like that felt by the inventor as he sees some creation of the brain unfolding to success... Such emotions make a man forget food, sleep, friends, love, everything. - Nikola Tesla, electrical engineer and inventor (1856-1943)

Reject your sense of injury and the injury itself disappears. - Marcus Aurelius, philosopher and writer (121-180)

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one. - Cato the Elder, statesman, soldier, and writer (234-149 BCE)

Traveling is a fool's paradise... I pack my trunk, embrace my friends, embark on the sea and at last wake up in Naples, and there besides me is the stern fact, the sad self, unrelenting, identical, that I fled from. - Ralph Waldo Emerson, philosopher and writer (1803-1882)

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. - Sam Levenson

I sometimes think that God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability. - Oscar Wilde

Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand - Homer Simpson

I'm glad I wasn't born before the Grateful Dead.

If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us. - Herman Hesse, German novelist (1877-1962).

A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.

Haiku: I can do your work High quality, fast, or cheap Choose two of the three.

AOL (20th century) would be a giant diesel-smoking bus with hundreds of ebola victims on board throwing dead wombats and rotten cabbage at the other cars, most of which have been assembled at home from kits. - unknown

Advice is like snow -- the softer it falls, the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper in sinks into the mind. - Samuel Taylor Coleridge

To have a right to do a thing is not at all the same as to be right in doing it. - G.K. Chesterton

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. - Winston Churchill

Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could; Some blunders and absurdities crept in; Forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. - Ralph Waldo Emerson, writer and philosopher (1803-1882)

In science it often happens that scientists say, "You know that's a really good argument; my position is mistaken," and then they would actually change their minds and you never hear that old view from them again. They really do it. It doesn't happen as often as it should, because scientists are human and change is sometimes painful. But it happens every day. I cannot recall the last time something like that happened in politics or religion. - Carl Sagan, astronomer and writer (1934-1996)

And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche, philosopher (1844-1900)

Sleep after toil, port after stormy seas, ease after war, death after life does greatly please. - Edmund Spenser, poet (1552-1599)

People have always said, "The customer is always right." Well, he's *not* always right. Sometimes he's a jerk. Sometimes he demands the impossible, thinking that the volume of his demands will get him taken care of. When someone does that, I don't need 'em. I don't want 'em. We try to find good people, and train them, which is not easy. I want some jerk pissing my people off and ruining their morale? What *I* want is to never see him again. And all my customer contact people know that they are authorized to inform him that they feel he might be better served elsewhere. - Herb Kelleher, founder of Southwest Airlines

Black holes are where God divided by zero. - Steven Wright

Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could; Some blunders and absurdities crept in; Forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. - Ralph Waldo Emerson, writer and philosopher (1803-1882)

In science it often happens that scientists say, "You know that's a really good argument; my position is mistaken," and then they would actually change their minds and you never hear that old view from them again. They really do it. It doesn't happen as often as it should, because scientists are human and change is sometimes painful. But it happens every day. I cannot recall the last time something like that happened in politics or religion. - Carl Sagan, astronomer and writer (1934-1996)

I ask you to judge me by the enemies I have made. - Franklin D. Roosevelt, 32nd US President (1882-1945)

Patriotism is supporting your country all the time and the government when it deserves it. - Mark Twain, author and humorist (1835-1910)

And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche, philosopher

Then graphics games came along and the computer using portion of the human race forgot all about 500,000 years of language evolution and went straight back to the electronic equivalent of banging rocks together - the point'n'click game http://www.douglasadams.com/creations/infocomjava.html - Douglas Adams

Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. - Carl Jung, psychiatrist (1875-1961)

I cannot believe in a God who wants to be praised all the time. - Friedrich Nietzsche, philosopher (1844-1900)

The religion of the future will be a cosmic religion. The religion which is based on experience, which refuses to be dogmatic. If there's any religion that would cope the scientific needs it will be Buddhism... - Albert Einstein

The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently. - Friedrich Nietzsche, philosopher (1844-1900)

If they can get you asking the wrong questions, they don't have to worry about the answers. - Thomas Pynchon, writer

A stereotyped but unconscious despair is concealed even under what are called the games and amusements of mankind. -Henry David Thoreau, naturalist and author (1817-1862)

True religion is the life we lead, not the creed we profess. - Louis Nizer (1902-1994)

Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away. - PKD

It's good to have money and the things that money can buy, but it's good, too, to check up once in a while and make sure that you haven't lost the things that money can't buy. -George H. Lorimer, editor (1868-1937)

Don't judge men's wealth or godliness by their Sunday appearance. -Benjamin Franklin, statesman, author, and inventor (1706-1790)

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. - Dr. Seuss

Some people are born on third base and go through life thinking they hit a triple. - Barry Switzer

I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves. - Ludwig Wittgenstein

The exact date when we celebrate our birthday has moved around over the years, depending on when people feel like having cake. - Google

Happiness equals reality minus expectations - Tom Magliozzi

Jesus would have made a good Buddhist. - Ray Wylie Hubbard

You have enough to eat. You can move. This must be acknowledged as a kind of freedom. You don't always have to buy things, put things in your mouth, or be delighted. - Anon

We must question the story logic of having an all-knowing all-powerful God, who creates faulty Humans, and then blames them for his own mistakes. - Gene Roddenberry


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Bob Heckel quotes.20.bheckel@xoxy.net

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